“For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average -- hey, let's get a pizza!" ~ Jay Leno
"If you're an accountant with OCD suffering from insomnia, do you still count sheep?" ~ seriously amused
"The curious are always in some danger. If you are curious you might never come home." ~ Jeanette Winterson
“Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised.” ~ Denis Waitley
"The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them." ~ Denis Watley
"Anyone who considers protocol unimport-ant has never dealt with a cat.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein
"I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness." ~ The Dalai Lama 
"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses." ~ Elizabeth Taylor
"A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." ~ Caskie Stinnett, Out of the Red
“Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.” ~ Bo Derek
"People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?" ~ Imelda Marcos
“My favourite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail.” ~ Steve Buscemi (American Actor)
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want -- an adorable pancreas?" ~ Jean Kerr, The Snake Has All the Lines
"When you meet someone who can cook and do housework -- don't hesitate a minute -- marry him." ~ Unknown
"I've caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs." ~ Barbara Woodhouse (1910-1988) Irish author and dog trainer
"On the Internet no one knows if you're a dog, a snake or a weasel." ~ seriously amused
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." ~ Katharine Hepburn
"I broke up with someone, and she said, "You'll never find anyone like me again." And I'm thinking, 'I hope not!' Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, "By the way, do you have a twin?" ~ Larry Miller
“Ross: What if there is only one woman for everybody? You know. What if I get one woman and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case there was one woman... for her. 
